a very weird winter run

I love running. Really! I do! Today's run was just plain weird, and also rather comical. Hopefully, you'll laugh, too, at the random mishaps of what could have been a fairly "normal" winter run.

I got a bit later start than I wanted to. Partly because I was really cold while in the house all morning. Looking at the weather now, I see that it says 10 degrees Fahrenheit, but "feels like" -1 degrees Fahrenheit. I've run in colder, but I don't like starting off my run feeling cold indoors.

But I bundled up... oddly, I might add... Warmth was very necessary to me at this point. It was time to stop procrastinating and get myself out the door.

After performing a search for Quinn's (the dog) collar, and finding it... we were on our way. I could immediately tell that Quinn was going to be a bit of a pain for me, today. He started whining while I tied my shoes. So I looked at him and told him to "cool it," because he "knows the routine." He looked at me pathetically, of course, and as soon as the door was open he was out... and into the street.

I'm rather glad we don't live on a busy street.

Yak tracks attached--although I would refer to mine as more of detachable "snow-cleats"--we set out on our merry way... I decided that until more of the running warmth had pushed it's way outward, that running on the trails full of snowdrifts was NOT where I wanted to start.

That being said, I still prefer trails to running on the street. But icy streets was where I was to start today...

Quinn needed many reminders to "heal" to me. I wasn't very happy about that. Again he "knows the routine." But, as a friend has reminded me, don't get mad at the dog. It's a dog. How much does it actually understand? And so, of course, comes the balance of getting the dog's attention, having enough authority in the voice without sounding (or being) mad... and why is it that when I do start to get annoyed that he listens better...???

oy...

I'm going to call it "conditioning." And I've been trying to work on that... Especially since it's a lot easier to get out of breath in cold-weather running, and I really don't want to stop and shout for the dog to come. But I enjoy the company... really. So, I've been trying to work on getting him to listen. And obey. Immediately. Some days he's better than other days. Some days... like today... he keeps pulling and I keep saying "heal" and praising him when he does...

and then he decides to take an enormous "poo" in the street.

Thank you, Quinn.

He was quite happy afterward, of course. I might be, too, if I had been needing to go THAT MUCH.

Okay, I seriously hope my readers are laughing now...

Ready, set... LAUGH!!!

I, also, had a lot on my mind at the beginning of this run. I was in a different state of emotional and mental well-being. It was odd. I had been praying and was praying and was sort of... well, the word that comes to mind is "distraught." But honestly, I was okay... But was needing the run to clear my head.

And you wonder why I like to run? (wink)

Finally, I decide it's time to attempt a trail. Quinn, of course, decided to pee... about a gallon, at the entrance... which normally wouldn't be that big of a deal... but... well... he almost got ME. Yup... love you, too, dog. Sit when I tell you to sit. Not pee first.

After Quinn finished his business... (can you tell this run was rather... sporadic?) and I let him off the leash, because there was no way I was going to attempt trying to keep him on a leash while I was attempting to job through drifts... we were off again.

And FINALLY... the heat came.

Thank You, God... I love warmth. It was a like a switch... and within a few feet, I was removing one of my two head coverings... ha... yes... I told you I looked like a nerd. A few hundred feet later, I needed to unzip 3... or was it 4? layers...

I'm sure you get the picture.

This trail had a fairly decent packed snow path about a foot wide... okay, it wasn't amazing, but it was easier than the snow drifts. Sort of.

I actually did pull my ankle a bit.

oops.

And guess what Quinn decided to run ahead of me and do?

Yup.

Apparently he had a lot of "poo" that he needed to do. And why go in a snow drift when there is a perfectly good area of packed snow to go on.

Love you, Quinn. Mwah. (Big kiss.)

Ta da... At least I hopped over that one.

Quinn also likes to stop randomly in front of me. He'll run, run, run and then stop. Most of the time, I see that he has stopped, and shout, "go!" a few times and he's off again. Today... he didn't. I smacked into him... kind of hard. It kind of hurt... but my thought, "haha! That'll teach him! I hope..." I guess we'll see.

Quinn's other fabulous thing that he did with me today? He would randomly decide that he wanted to only go on the packed snow path. Okay, that's fine... as long as he is ahead of me. If he's not ahead of me, he tailgates. BAD. To the point where he was nearly making me trip and I could feel him behind me. The only way for me to get him to stop doing that today was for me to literally come to a complete stop, move to the side and while ushering him nicely with my hands, say something like, "darling Quinn, I'm so sorry I was in your way. Would you like to go ahead?"

Okay, not really that bad. But pretty close. I did have to stop and nicely usher him ahead of me. The thing is, he kept getting behind me today. It was getting very annoying, and I was getting tired of him being right on me.

So... brilliant Amber gets fed up enough at one point that she decides to kick back a little more with one foot to maybe get him to back off a bit.

Yup.

I ended up almost face-first in the snow.

And since I was on my knees and Quinn thought I was playing... I decided to utilize the position... and actually pray.

Oh, and I was laughing.

And you know what? That prayer time was amazing. It only lasted a couple of minutes, but it was AMAZING. I felt much better. And I was able to see what an idiot I was for allowing any external thing to bring me to a different state emotionally than I wanted to be. Why would I allow that?

I choose Christ. I choose joy. I choose to really live.

Guess what, though? This crazy run wasn't quite done.

On my way back, as I was attempting to navigate packed snow areas, Quinn was actually a fairly "good boy." He didn't listen immediately when there was the other dog and person... but he did eventually.

Good boy, Quinn.

Near the end of the trail I suddenly realized that somewhere along the way I had lost my right foot yak track. No clue where it went or when... and I didn't have time to go look. So... again, brilliant Amber decides to just take off her left foot one and leave it there.

Why? I have no idea.

Apparently I need some new ones. Maybe ones that stay on better.

A bit later we are back on the street again. And it's icy and I'm wishing I had my yak tracks. Especially when I nearly run into a car.

Yup.

I nearly ran into a car. It was icy and they were having trouble stopping. And so was I. And the thing is, I almost couldn't stop. That was really weird. The (probably high school aged) driver rolled down his window and apologized. How very nice. I said it was okay and that "I couldn't stop either."

And then he was on his way.

It was sort of awkward. And rather... odd... Did I really say that? ha. Yes, yes, I did.

Interesting thing is that I kept thinking how badly that could have ended up. Oops. Thank You, God, for making me stop. And the car. And that I didn't actually BADLY pull my ankle earlier.

The majority of the rest of the run was uneventful... Just kept running... And it felt good... and it took all that time for my breathing to finally even out.

That's my favorite part of the run: when I hit that point where my breathing switches from being difficult to patterned and routine. Love that feeling.

And now... I'm home... and I've made my phone call and I need to figure out some things in writing by mid-February and be brilliant... Yes, ACTUALLY brilliant. But for now, my job is calling and I need to shower...

Yes, I need to.

Have fun, dear friends! And don't forget your winter run. It's fun!

becoming a daughter of the sunrise

"So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD. His going forth is as certain as the dawn; And He will come to us like the rain, Like the spring rain watering the earth." (Hosea 6:3)

What is it about God that makes us think that we know Him already? Can we know another person completely ever? Truly? Really?

Of course, it would be arrogant to claim to know another completely. Sometimes, in fun, a friend may say, "I know you better than you know yourself!" And at times, there are things that only others can see that are true about yourself.

It's like looking in a mirror. What I know of myself in appearance is reflected back to me. And there has often been this question in the back of my mind, "Is that really what I look like?" Certainly the mirror must portray a fairly accurate reflection, and I used to (and sometimes still do) try to mimic different faces I've made through the day to see what I looked like when I laughed or reacted to something someone said. I even practiced my smile in the mirror growing up.

That being said, I do not think I can really say that I know what I look like. As a photographer, there are hundreds and thousands of angles I can shoot a picture of a person. Some are complimentary. Some are... not so much. I know what is reflected back at me, but a mirror is something like a camera lens, in my mind. I know that angle. How many hundreds of thousands of angles are there of me that only everyone else sees.

For a moment it is unnerving. It is unnerving to think that perhaps others really do know me better than I know myself.

But what cause of worry is there in that, anyway? Some good friends of mine are identical twins. They wear their hair slightly differently, and to me, there are other minor differences I can ascertain in appearance. Besides the fact that there are differences in personality, and I have always found that a person's personality will find a way of showing up in the physical appearance. Perhaps it is not always something that I can say like this: "Because their hand is like this, they would respond this way to a situation." It's not that clear-cut. Some things I have learned to see better, simply by repeated observation. For instance, the fitness level of a person and how much it coordinates to simply being at the gym or maintaining an active lifestyle.

Perhaps all this is a preface. Or maybe I'm just rambling. Or perhaps, it's kind of like walking into a messy room and needing to find something, and in the process needing to sort and clean up a few things along the way. In any case, I have no idea what my actual purpose is in writing today... so perhaps I'm just sorting.

Last night and then again this morning, I was feeling particularly agitated. I tried to ignore it, still it, quiet it last night initially. It is so easy to attribute something to being something else when I'm not so sure I want to deal with it. Finding the source of my agitation can be... difficult. Sometimes I don't think I want to face what I should.

So, I made a good meal, tried praying and reading scripture a bit, and was actually further agitated.

Fine. That meant I had to go deep. Search. Listen.

And I was tired. The day at work had been more or less uneventful, and rather slow. I'm often MORE tired on days like that. Silly perhaps. In any case, I came home, was hungry and needed to make some food for myself. That essentially meant that I didn't really end up eating a meal until about 8:00 pm--way later than I like.

Again, very easy to attribute agitation to something being "off" in my life--like a way too late supper.

Right.

Why do I even pretend to tell myself things that I know are not true? I'm sitting here laughing at my idiosyncrasies. Pretend, pretend away... You know what you need and want.

So... In addition to my avoidance tactics, I watched a movie. Was it an excellent movie. Nope. It wasn't even cheesy and silly enough that I'd watch it again when I was bored.

In general, I'm finding that I just don't prefer to watch many movies lately.

Ooh... but I'm avoiding... What was the source of my agitation?

Quite simple, really. My soul, my mind has become so intoxicated with the presence of Christ, that not getting to be in His presence is like going without water, without food. And yes... sometimes I get an awful headache. Sometimes it doesn't matter how physically hungry I am... NOTHING will satisfy until my soul is breathing Christ.

Oh, but I do breathe Christ in and through my life. He is my life. Last night, it was sort of like I had a chest cold--I couldn't get enough. I tried to write, I tried to pray... I tried the quick fixes. But nothing... would get it. Yes, He was wanting to speak with me, and I so much needed to give Him that time to speak.

Quiet my soul.

And realize, again, quite simply, that I'm frightened, freaking out, because somehow I had managed to try to grab hold of my life again--just a few pieces. No wonder I was afraid. Yes, there were other things going on, perhaps spiritual battles and things that would seek to distract me from the place I needed to be, but that wasn't the point.

I cannot always win the battle by trying to sort out the reason for why it started. Sometimes the answer comes completely as I give up.

And then I find that the real battle was that all of what I thought was strength, was simply my own. And me, alone cannot watch behind me and in front of me all at the same time. It is only that when I rest, give up, become a conduit for Him who is greater than me, to burst forth and shine, burning away all fears.

For it is in that that my strength, my peace is found.

Battles and conflicts will always rage on. Do I abide in the light? I stand, I sit, I sleep, for I am guarded. Daughter of the Sunrise.

This morning I awoke much better, for I had certainly drifted off to sleep, resting, trusting... but I hadn't completely realized what I had done, what had changed... and so as my brain was awaking, and trying to grasp at bits of strings of understanding, but grasping too hard, the unsettled feeling, the agitation was coming on again.

My response was, "Not again." And I took the time to stop and step back and wonder. Knowing that my mind is so often auditory, and feeling as though today would not be the right day for being in a church setting, I prepared my mind to listen. Really listen.

I turned on a sermon to get me closer to that point. Sometimes my auditory mind is like a muscle, in that it requires a reminder, like muscle memory. So in listening aloud to scripture and Christ preached... I could better remind myself to hear... truly hear what I needed to hear.

And that was it.

That is just the key right there. It was releasing the control that I so easily grasp onto in my own life, and quite simply, listening.

I talk too much. ("Yes, I know," say all of you readers, but just hang on, I'm almost there!) (smiling...) But the thing is, sometimes I talk too much in relation to my Beloved of heaven. And I can't figure out what's wrong because I haven't listened--because even if I am "praying," and even acknowledging that He is speaking, do I hear? Do I listen? Do I understand?

And so... now... I remain. At peace, full of joy, and I, the beloved of God, daughter of the sunrise and a new day. Behold, I listen. Let me never be distracted. God, I do wait for You, for I am wrapped up all in You.

Forever He alone be praised.

of cars and men and frivolous things

Somehow... I'm liking cars... a lot. No idea where that came from.

You know that fairly uncommon reaction when someone REALLY attractive walks by you, and it kind of hits you in the gut and your mind is not quite sure if you can walk or if you should be jumping... up and down... and you sort of just smile, stumble a bit, feel like an idiot... you know...

(And I seriously hope that I'm not the only person that has happened to...)

All my rambling is leading to this:

A few years ago a fabulous car drove by me. I haven't a clue as to who was driving, and I didn't really care. I have no idea what kind of car it was--too fast of a glance--except that it was a black convertible Maserati. And I have been a bit in love ever since...

What does that say about me?

That my reaction is physical to a fabulous car?

Oy...

If I was insanely wealthy, apparently my frivolous spending would go to shoes, clothes... and cars...

What do people do with lots of money anyway? I really wouldn't want a big house. Big enough for me to have family and friends around constantly. Big enough for guests and "share the wealth," and older and stable with lots of interesting architecture. But overall, small enough that I could keep it clean myself.

Why?

Truth be told, I'm realizing that personal preference for cleanliness is... ahem... high. And while I may leave some things out--usually stacked in perfectly cornered stacks to take care of "someday," otherwise, I like it incredibly CLEAN.

I'm not so sure I actually want a ton of money, anyway. But I DO, of course, enjoy HAVING more money. It's comfortable. I like comfort. It's cushy. Money doesn't really buy every comfort, anyway. Can I see any better? Can I really do that much more? Perhaps... but some of that is choice and direction and purpose.

Back to random car fascinations... Or how about this? My mind can so easily hold onto snatches of things from a long time ago.

When I lived in Anchorage, on a usual trip to my bank, I crossed paths with a man that I do not believe I have ever seen more than once. He was smiling/laughing with some friends, and for whatever reason, it was all I could do to just walk by, focusing and every single step, praying, "please don't let me trip, please don't let me trip." (Yes, I can be THAT much of a clutz.)

The odd part is that I actually still remember that smile and laugh.

Well, sort of.

I remember my reaction.

Apparently I sped by another Maserati. A friend of mine told me I should have said, "hello." Right. I was trying to focus on walking. Speaking wouldn't have worked.

Why in the world did I bring that up?

Probably because I have had a bright yellow sports car that I haven't a clue of what it is--stuck in the back of my mind most of the day today. Yes, bright yellow... me... surprised me, too. But yes, I'd drive it. And I wouldn't turn it down if I was given it. Black amazing Maserati still wins. Maybe because I at least know WHAT it is.

And I was thinking on my drive home tonight how incredibly happy I am. Really! Certainly, I'm thinking of completely random cars and associating them rather closely with men, but heh... oh well! What's next? A motorcycle? What's that going to mean? Maybe I just like a good motor...

Like when I was going for a run last summer, and this glorious black Porsche turned down the street in front of me. It was this easily managed turn (of course), not too fast, not too slow, and again... crazy reaction that I stifled... mostly... convenient that I was already running (and I sort of want to shout out a little "woo-ee!" or something). But it was mostly the deep perfectly rhythmic purr.

Oh, but I can't forget a good truck! Try this for oddness: of every guy I've even only just gone on one or two dates with, only one has owned a car--but that was his school vehicle. His truck was at home. Odd thing was, I didn't actually like him THAT much. I was sort of tricked into a date. Heh. Oh well.

Two were owners of a Station waggon. Both of those guys I had to be really helped along to even go out with them at all. (They both actually owned multiple vehicles in various states of repair.) Two drove a truck. One was my "first love," and the other is still one of my closest male friends, and nothing more. (It's been years... it just doesn't go that direction, so don't even think anything there.)

Every other guy I dated owned or at least drove an SUV at the time we dated. And those were the guys that I REALLY wanted to end up with.

Is that not weird?

So... maybe my reaction to cars is closely associated to my reaction to men... in a distant way. So... whoever you are... I'd love to drive off with you in a Maserati someday... :-) But first, I need some other vehicles: Would you mind driving an SUV while we date, but own a truck, too? Truck = best friend, fresh love. Maserati = physical reaction. And SUV = my love, my heart, the piece of me that fits with you.

Overall... maybe... let's just take a walk. Forget the car... Forget the perfect purring. Smile and laugh like a random stranger that stuck in my mind.

Oh... I'm sleepy and rambling... Big time. Hope this was enjoyable, entertaining... and don't take me TOO seriously. :-) After all, it's after 1 am right now, and I'm still sitting here... super... fabulously happy.

Seriously. I'm quite content. Moving back to my parent's house. "Obedience looks good on you." Ah, but that's another story for another time... Within a month, within a year... God alone, guide me...

And thanks, God... that people make fabulous cars.

Can I have that amazing pair of shoes now? :-)

a quick note on politics

I just have to say that one of my least favorite things about politics is that suddenly a very vindictive and cruel nature seems to come out in people. In a moment where someone dares disagree, I see and hear many people resort to the behavior of a three-year-old, complete with temper tantrums and name-calling.

It's seriously annoying.

What ever happening to personal responsibility? Ah yes... it was lost in this grand sense of entitlement. That simply for being born a person is owed... well everything, apparently. Never mind having to actually work for it.

Isn't there a verse that goes, "If a man will not work, then neither shall he eat"? (Probably goes for women, too, but I have to wonder when is a woman NOT working... At least, all the women I know are often exhausted from much work.)

Hmmm... I started off at one point, and suddenly have many branches I could follow. I better not start too much of anything right now. It's too late.

All that to say that I am rather sick of turning on the radio/reading the news or other things and hearing/seeing name-calling on both sides. Please. When did everyone stop growing up?

I'm telling you now:
Put yourself in a time-out.
Wash your mouth out with soap.
And while you're behaving like a child that needs discipline, I'll even allow you to go climb that tree when you're behaving well. Oh, and if you fall and scrape your knee... well, nothing like a bit of good hydrogen peroxide to build up that courage, eh? That is... if you are three. If you whine and you're 43... just... wow. And seriously, cut it out. No one wants to hear you whine.
Stop whining.
Seriously. Stop whining.
Do your part politically. So far, we still have freedoms in the USA. Take advantage of them so they'll still be there for the next few generations.
And when you don't like something...
Please behave like an adult.
And stop name-calling.
It's so extremely child-ish.

dreams face reality

How is it already ten minutes before ten at night? Ah yes, I was catching up on the last episode of Heroes after supper. It was a strange one.

So.

I had a dream last night that I actually remembered. Or, at least part of it. There was a person in it that I hadn't thought of for quite a while. Which was strange.

And then I came across some pictures of this same person. And the memories came back, too. Deeply reminding me of the dream, and how memories are etched into our mind, even when our conscious mind at least mostly forgets them.

And I'm finding myself not knowing what to think about my emotions connected to this person. Actually crying.

The odd thing is I've also come across those same pictures fairly recently and was fine. In fact, I was so happy that I was really actually okay. The pictures triggered remembering the dream and the connection somehow brought forth tears. Not as raw as they have been in the past, but there, nonetheless.

Especially difficult considering how God feels so far lately.

Somethings in life just don't seem to make sense. Like how I've been running more, but my stamina is awful, and I can't seem to maintain a decent speed or pace or... well much of anything. I know dirt roads with hills in the country are harder, but... sheesh.

I was talking with a friend of mine a couple of days ago, and I told her something like, "It's not like I don't know or I'm trying to figure out my life. I know what I want."

Was that arrogant to say?

Or just honest?

It's interesting, because I haven't spoken with this friend in a while, but I've known her for years. And there is a connection to this person as well but not much anymore.

How is it that I can shut my eyes, quiet my soul, hear a song, and suddenly... I'm aware of the presence of God?

We are such beings that have been created to need, to love, to crave the company of other human beings.

My lack of knowledge sometimes seems overwhelming. But, once again, I lift my face, and there is hope. For I am granted faith. Let me hear forevermore. Let me know truth when it is upon me.

Many days lately I find that I am hearing verses like, "Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think..." (Ephesians 3:20)

And the other day I found myself almost unconsciously praying something like, "Let me hear Your lovingkindness in the morning; For I trust in You; Teach me the way in which I should walk; For to You I lift up my soul." (Psalm 143:8)

My parents are celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary this year. I was talking with my mom and she was in tears as she acknowledged aloud to me that my dad may not make it to their 40th anniversary. (A probability at this point, the way things are looking.)

More tears again. Both then and now.

More like a deep soul ache. And me praying, "Please, God... please..." Because I really don't know what else to say.

I can't see. I just take one step at a time. And beg God along the way, turning my face... up... up... up...

I'm wondering why I'm finding several men attracted to me to the point where it becomes surprising to me of their reaction to me... and while it is nice in a way...

I'm back to...

"I know what I want."

And sorry, fellow, nice [good looking, pleasant, funny, you-fill-in-the-blank], you're just not it.

There are so many cute little phrases told to a girl growing up about how she'll know the right guy. Would it too much spoil the "happily ever after" dream too early to prepare a girl for the fact that it could be a while?

See... it's a toss up.

Dreams are like love. So amazing while they last. Even for all the pain when you begin to realize that it isn't real (or returned).

And then you realize that your father won't be walking you down the aisle, if you do get married. Better the tears now, I think.

I have seen my father's disease progress incredibly quickly within this last year and a bit of being back in Minnesota. And even more so within the last month or two. And the thing is, I think he knows it, too.

He said he loves me. Twice. Before I had said anything myself. My father said he loves me. And really meant it. I couldn't remember the last time he had said that.

It is gentling my heart toward him, this whole process of my father having a disease. And also through all this, I begin to try to understand, and maybe gradually understand God as Father--as being completely different from my father.

But I want to see my father again in heaven so much...

So much!

Again someday.

And I will. But it may be a while.

Water, come flowing over me.
Wash me new
Wash me clean
So that I can hear
So that I can understand
and bless Your name on High
Baptize me again in Your love, O God!
Let me know it's truth,
It's reality
It's love.
Be my beloved.
It seems I must wait
a while longer
to be in your arms.

God,
I'm longing
I'm crying.
Where is Your representation
of Yourself
for me
here on earth?

I know Your presence.
My soul bleeds and has often
before
And I will weep again
before You tonight.

I do not have understanding.
But,
"Worthy is the Lamb,
seated on the throne.
We crown you now with many crowns...
The darling of heaven crucified.
Worthy is the Lamb."

And then I came across this verse: "God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved; God will help her when the morning dawns." (Psalm 46:5)

Morning dawn, I welcome you. I would stand in Your light.

Honestly, check out all the cross references for Psalm 143:8

Well... It's 11:00. Somehow. No idea. Good night. May you dream well tonight. May some dreams cross into reality.

I still pray that. I still love.

I will forever.

For I am lifted up. I am full of joy. I am full of hope.

I am granted the faith and grace for another day. Beloved, precious God, let me hear You! Let me always speak Your name!

My muslim friend gets it

So, this shall actually be quite short. (I hope.)

Because I REALLY need to get to bed.

On my way to work today I saw this mom with her four kids, walking beside the road together. (I drive through several little towns on the way to... well most anywhere away from home at this point.) :-) There was a little boy who particularly caught my attention, as he was smiling and laughing. In fact, all of them seemed quite happy and smiling. It was beautiful and wonderful.

I loved it.

And then I tried not to cry.

I prayed for a bit, wondering why that isn't a part of my life yet. Ha. Besides the obvious. But praying that God would bring those steps into my life--the right man, marriage, children, home.

And as a random side note, I can definitely see all the things God has done in my life that wouldn't have happened apart from my being single. But I'm definitely feeling more and more "ready."

So now what, eh?

Still praying.

I get to work, and got a chance to talk with one of my co-workers/friends who happens to be Muslim. She's awesome. And we've already talked about wanting kids and such. Technically, she's the one who brought it up first a little over a week ago. I was showing her these awesome puppet-type things, and, of course, as the store was dead, we started playing back and forth... te he... anyway, that lead the conversation to children and how she would like to have children.

She gets it. Emilie, I'm grateful for you. A good reminder to those who would seek to say things like, "well, if God wants it"--which, while true, is a cop-out. It's cheap. And it's seeks to lessen or "spiritualize" a good desire.

Truly, Christian. We can desire marriage. We can desire children and family. It's sort of a normal way of going about things. Perhaps this tendency to "spiritualize" things is because we're trying so hard to bring God into our daily lives.

Loved ones, God is already present in our daily lives. Will we see Him? Will we follow Him? God needs no help. We just need our eyes opened.

There. I hope that was coherent. I'm tired.

Oh, and Maren... I love this purpley-blue shirt. I wore it today.

And here's another random realization, and not trying to be shallow, but it's sort of funny. So, I have all these ideas and plans that haven't necessarily come into being. For instance, I had hoped very much to be married when I was 24. I just liked that number. Ta da! I am 26 and unmarried. If I had been married when I had thought I "should" be, I wouldn't be working or doing anything that I currently doing--or EXTREMELY unlikely. In any case, [obviously] my life would be completely different. Now there are some very deep implications I can think of in relation to that--people I've spoken with, conversations I've had, time with God... deep, true and real.

and then there's the silly part:

Would I have bought that really cute pair of earrings? Sheesh, I'm glad I have those... I like them.

wink.

I'm going to go sleep.

haha.

Mmmm... good song

Heard this song on my drive home. I've heard it before, but I just thought I would post it here, as I really do like it.